Oh SNAP!!!

Every now and then DS is capable of pulling off a legitimate shocker...

So just as I was becoming attached to Randle Drew, he gets bumped off by a "mysterious" man in the woods. Obviously this was done to set up Quentin for the murder...

And it seems obvious that Gerard/Judah is behind the murder since he's in the midst of setting up Quentin for false warlock allegations, but then Gerard tells Dawson (NICHOLAS BLAIR!) that it wasn't him.

Hmm...

So Quentin is finally thrown into jail (Which I don't understand. Can't he just call the sheriff into the room, stand on a table, and karate chop his way to freedom?), and Daniel is so upset he changes his will. This was obviously meant to be a SHOCKER!!! moment but I think everyone knew it was Gerard and not Gabriel who would be the new heir...

But Gabriel goes to make sure his father doesn't change the will back to favor Quentin...which he already did...Gabriel gets super pissed and STANDS UP OUT OF HIS WHEELCHAIR!

OH SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that's right, Gabriel can walk. He's just been pretending to be a cripple. Not only that but HE'S the one who killed Randle Drew so he could blame it on Quentin. That was a legitimate SHOCKER!!! moment from DS. I literally pissed my Barnabas underwear when he stood up from that wheelchair. Don't worry, though...I've got plenty more...

So now it's time for the big trial to begin...even though it's unconstitutional. I'm sure Trask will be on his game in the upcoming episodes and Quentin will be plenty intense...oh, and Barnabas will once again forget why he went back to the past in the first place...

OH SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gerard Stiles Gets Head...

So that actor playing Judah Zachery must have really sucked...

Why else would they have killed off the actor and placed his "spirit" inside of Gerard? Personally, I like the teaming of Judah and Gerard. Take the two best bad guys and roll them up all into one...nice...

So there's a lot going on in 1840 right now. Let's run down the list:

1) Gerard/Judah are plotting against Quentin...

2) Gerard/Judah are also plotting against Angelique who is a snitch...

3) Angelique is plotting against Julia who she thinks is hot for Barny (which she is)...

4) Angelique is using Roxanne the vampire to terrorize Julia...

5) Trask suspects Quentin is a warlock and responsible for Roxanne's death...

6) Quentin is trying to get into Daphne's pants while trying to discover the secret of his former love who committed suicide who turns out to be Daphne's sister!

Damn...Collinwood is a busy place!

And while all this is going on, Barny and Julia are doing nothing to change the past! I know it's a soap opera and all, but c'mon! At some point they should actually do something...

This blog and Judah Zackary are ALIVE!!!

Oh wait...no...Judah Zackary is dead. He came back only to die in an ether explosion.

So there was an issue with getting the next set of DS so I sort of stopped watching for...oh...four months, but now, just like any character ever to die on Dark Shadows...I'M BACK!

You know, I really like Gerard as a character. I know he's supposed to be a bad guy and all, but he's such a pimp! After the whole "marrying Quentin's wife to steal Collinwood" plan didn't pan out, he kicked that red-headed nimrod to the curb just in time to mack on Daphne the second she walked through the door. Then it turns out Daphne's packing heat. Gerard finds out and uses the leverage to try to rape Daphne. Oh that crazy Gerard...

Now, the head of Judah Zackary has evolved into the main storyline of the show. Pansy Faye Jr. and Julia have been hypnotized into becoming his slaves and forced to reconnect the head to the overly tall body. And let me tell you...that whole Adam experiment has really paid off in the long run. How many people have they brought back using that method? Judah was successfully brought back after lightning struck his plastic...I mean...gold mask. Of course, then the building collapsed and killed him, but I think we all know he'll be back one way or another.

After all, they always come back...

Oh, It's So Nice to Have Ben Back...Oh Wait, He's Dead...

Didn't I just write how nice it was to have Ben Stokes back on the show? And then BAM! The very next episode the evil HEAD OF COUNTE PETOFI...oh wait, just the evil head forces Ben to attempt to saw his own head off! By the way, can you ever really succeed in cutting your own head off? I would think you could only reach a certain point before you would have to stop...

So they get rid of Ben and, instead, who do they bring back? Why, none other than the woman with the pointiest chin in Collinsport...BETH CHAVEZ! What the hell were they thinking? Beth is in the bottom five of the shittiest actors ever to step foot on the DS set.

The order is as follows:

#5: Sabrina Stuart
#4: Hallie Stokes
#3: Beth Chavez
#2: Sky Rumson
#1: Sara Collins

On the brighter side of things, the Gerrard Styles storyline has been entertaining...him marrying Quentin's widow, Samantha, after he promised Wheels that he would murder her. Nice twist. And yes, I think we all knew Quentin wasn't dead and that he'd return but I was a little suprised how well he took his best friend banging his wife...that's not the Quentin Collins that I know.

And where they are going with this severed head storyline I have no idea, but I'm dying to find out...

...and now back to 1840!

All right...I'm finally back after a month hiatus.

Honestly, I simply needed to take a break from DS and watch something else for a little bit and recharge my DS batteries. I've done that so...back to the show!

The 1840 storyline just seems so damn familiar...like we've seen this entire thing two or three times before. We've got Julia trapped in the past meeting members of the Collins family who all secretly hate each other and are plotting behind each other's backs.

Some things I'm enjoying:

1) The Return of Ben Stokes! Wow! I did not see that coming. Ben is back even though he's 147 years old and his face is melting off...but's it's still nice to see him again.

2) I'm glad Chris Pennock is a main Collins in this storyline. He's been solid as a cast member since his mutating baby days and it's good to see him in a main role.

3) The Return of Evil Barnabus...it's about damn time!

Even with all the similarities to the Quentin's ghost storyline, I'm trying to keep an open mind and enjoy the storyline for what it is. One thing I'm not enjoying is all the boom mics in the shots. Is it just me or is there a boom in almost every shot lately? What the hell are those guys doing? Nothing takes you out of the moment like a giant fuzzy microphone dangling above the characters' heads.

Oh well...beware Gerard Stiles...or should I say IVAN MILLER! DAH DAH DAAAAAAAH!

Don't Hire Zombie Pirates to Redecorate Your House

Finally, the long drawn out 1995 storyline came crashing to a close...

..and I think the best part about the whole thing was that, even though Barnabas and Julia knew EXACTLY what was going to happen to Collinwood and they had a dozen clues to work with, they were able to prevent absolutely, positively nothing...

Were they able to prevent the death of the children?

No...

Were they able to prevent the death of Daphne?

No...

Were they able to prevent zombie pirates from busting into Collinwood and breaking shit?

Definitely not...

Personally, I applaud the deaths of David and Hallie...man, were those two annoying during that storyline. And what happened to the whole Roxanne is a vampire storyline? The writers just sort of forgot about it toward the end there. Roxanne was still locked inside Barnabas's secret wall, for goodness sake! The only positive of the whole thing was when Maggie got bussed off to the looney bin, never to return...

And how about those zombie pirates tearing that place apart? How funny was that?! There was this one point when one zombie pirate throws a pair of pants or something and they land on another zombie pirate's head! Classic...

Now Julia is trapped in 1840 by herself...oh, I can only imagine the facial expressions we're going to be treated to...

Collinwood: The House Where Common Sense goes to Die

Oh, it's been rough, ladies and gentlemen, it's been rough...

I'm struggling to get through this 1995 storyline. I was warned about the Leviathans (which I didn't think was all that bad), but c'mon! A little warning would have been nice. I can't help thinking that the destruction of Collinwood wouldn't be a bad thing at this point...

Three things that annoy me more than Sarah Collins' singing:

1) David and Hallie are a match made in Hell

Here's their attitude: "Oh, we're going to be turned into dolls and forced to live in this doll house for the rest our existence? Oh well...what are you gonna do? At least we won't get in trouble..."

What the hell?! You're going to be turned into freakin' dolls! Tell someone about the ghosts already! I've never seen two people so resigned to dying...

2) Sabastian Shaw: Reluctant Hippie

Sabastian knows the children are going to die...he doesn't want them to die...yet, he says NOTHING! He shows up at Collinwood every single day to see Maggie (even though he never does) and he thinks about telling someone the kids are in danger and still doesn't. C'mon, already! Put on that poncho and be a hero, damnit!

3) Barnabas and Julia: Easily Distracted

Barnabas and Julia have been to the future. They know something bad's going to happen. They know the 27 signs that lead to this bad thing and yet, all Julia does is sit around reading Gerard's journal while Barnabas chases after Roxanne Drew. Do they even care about the complete annihilation of Collinwood? I think not...

The only highlight of the recent episodes was the triumphant return of PANSY FAYE! I knew we hadn't heard the last of that song! I'm gonna dance for you! Gonna dance your cares away!

And so forth...