Annoyance...thy name is Hallie...

I'm sorry but DS...you're killing me here...

Barnabas and Julia have returned to Collinwood 1970 to prevent the impending disaster that completely annihilates the Collins family...unfortunately, they learned absolutely NOTHING in the future and the only clues they have to go on are some vague, unspecific clues concerning events that occur right before the disaster at Collinwood. C'mon, Caroline! How difficult is it to simply write "The disaster will occur on August 4 at 3:30 pm"?

This storyline is beating me down harder than YAEGER!!! beating down Buffy Harrington right before he presents her with a painting. The major problem is that EVERYTHING is a carbon copy of the Quentin's ghost storyline. We've got a ghost trying to possess the children, a female ghost haunting the house (although Kate Jackson as Daphne is a huge upgrade over that pointy-chinned hack, Beth), and clues that precede the disaster just like there were clues preceding Quentin's death.

And then there's Hallie...oh my...

Replacing Amy "Everlasting Gobstopper" Jennings with Hallie Stokes is most definitely a major downgrade in talent. Does she really have to look like she's crapping her pants after every line she delivers? And why are these children so freakin' stupid? David and Hallie both know that something bad is going to happen at Collinwood and yet they refuse to tell the adults they're being harassed by Kate Jackson and the Java Queen! And their logic makes no sense at all! They don't want to tell anyone because they'll get in trouble...WHAT?! And now Roxanne Drew is back to distract Barnabas from the matter at hand (not that he'd be able to figure it out in time to stop it anyway), and I am just not a fan of that ginger, Roxanne, and her short, red boy haircut. I'm even having a hard time enjoying Chris Pennock in his new role as the hippie astrologist.

Oh well...at least Maggie hasn't been around much...

Collinwood - 1995

Barnabas and Julia have been magically transported to the future – the year 1995 to be exact – only to find Collinwood in shambles and most of the Collins family either dead or insane. Right from the start of the storyline, there are a few things that are noteworthy about the future…

1) In the future, fashion won’t have progressed at all. Everyone will pretty much wear what they did in the 70’s…

2) There will be absolutely no technological advancements whatsoever in the future. People still rock rotary phones and no one has a television…

3) Everyone will hate anyone who has traveled from a parallel time and refuse to answer any questions they ask, no matter how relevant or simple to answer…

This storyline doesn’t really make me think of the future at all; it makes me think of the past. Let’s see, there’s a mute ghost who torments the Collins family and forces them to leave Collinwood. Hmm…isn’t this exactly like the Quentin’s ghost storyline….I mean, EXACTLY! C’mon, DS! Who are you trying to fool? In fact, the guy who plays Gerard looks EXACTLY like David Selby! What the hell?! If you’re just going to repeat the storyline, couldn’t you have at least hired someone who looks a little different?

The only good thing about this storyline so far is watching some CLASSIC acting moments courtesy of the dynamic duo of Barnabas and Julia. This is the kind of stuff people are always mocking them for – from flubbed lines by Barnabas to the constipated facial expressions of Julia…classic stuff here…

The Greatest DS Moment of All-Time!!!

So I've finally been witness to the greatest DS moment of all time, my friends. Let me set the scene for you: Quentin is arrested for the murder of Bruno Hess and Angelique (as Alexis) goes to visit him in jail and convinces him he must escape. Angelique then concocts the most diabolical and ingenious plan of all time! She screams out to the single law enforcement agent at the Collinsport police station, he rushes in to see what's going on, and then it happens...QUENTIN SOARS THROUGH THE AIR AND KARATE CHOPS THE INSPECTOR IN THE BACK OF THE NECK, RENDERING HIM UNCONSCIOUS AND ALLOWING HIM TO FLEE THE JAIL!!!

Man, what a spectacular and ridiculous moment! I will remember it for a long time to come, I'm sure...

The whole parallel time storyline has been all downhill since then.

The whole Roxanne storyline...LAME!

The mystery of Claude North...LAME!

The lack of John YAEGER!!!...LAME!

It did pick up towards the end with Roger being revealed as the murderer of Angelique (Totally called it by the way) and then Angelique discovering Julia Hoffman was actually DR. Julia Hoffman. It was obvious the storyline was coming to an end, though, when nearly every single main character was dead.

The end finally came when Stokes burned down Collinwood with Barnabas and Julia inside and they escaped back to their own time universe...or so they thought. Now they're in the future! Whoa! I just hope it's more entertaining than PT. I did not really enjoy my time spent in PT so I'm looking forward to their stay in the future.

Maggie Evans Kills Again

Well...she's done it again. Maggie Evans has killed again! Why is it that the worst character on the show is always responsible for the death of the sweetest characters ever! This time, the victim was none other than...YAEGER!!! Poor Yeager...you should have stuck with Buffy Harrington.

Let's list the casualties so far:

1) Barnabas's evil character - Maggie destroyed Barnabas's evil character and forced him to become a sissy boy.

2) Joe Haskel - Man, this guy was doing all right until Maggie Evans came into the picture. After that, he was getting his ass kicked every week until he finally died...never to be seen again...

3) Nicholas Blair - Man, Blair was on a roll until his fixation on Maggie Evans. That was the beginning of the end. He was destroyed shortly after...poor Blair...

4) YAEGER!!! - Yaeger kicked Buffy's ass, dumped Sabrina's ass, and pretty much dominated Collinsport..until he kidnapped Maggie that is...

So Maggie claims another one, and it's only a matter of time before she ruins Quentin's life...moreso. Maggie Evans is the kiss of death. Beware the short skirts!

The Yaeger/Angelique Alliance!

Wow...

Parellel time has finally kicked it into high gear with the return of all the major stars following the filming of the DS movie. Barney, Hoffman, and...ugh...even Maggie are back in the spotlight. My only question is where the heck is Bruno? The man's disappeared! Bring back Bruno!

My favorite recent happening has to be the alliance between Angelique and YAEGER!!! Even though Yaeger was involved with Sabrina and Buffy Harrington (whom I'm pretty sure he raped), he still couldn't help falling for that imbecile, Maggie Evans. What is it with this girl? Hmm...must be the microscopic skirts. Anyways, Angelique wanted Maggie out so she helped Yaeger kidnap her and now he's keeping her hostage in his rape villa where she spends her days looking scared with her gaping mouth and giant fish eyes.

But just when I thought no one could be more annoying than Maggie Evans, Sabrina Stuart comes out of nowhere to steal the crown! Man, that woman cannot act. She always has this weird half-smile on her face. It looks like she has cerebral palsy and only has control over half her face. No matter what emotion she's supposed to be feeling, she's always half-smiling. Scared? Half smile. Happy? Half-smile. Gassy? Half-smile. Thank God Yaeger saved me from her by choking her ass out. Thank you, Yaeger!

In the latest episode of "What were the writers thinking?, Barnabas spent two weeks crying about how he needs to get back to his own time and then, when he finally does, he cries about how he desperately needs to return to the parallel time to rescue Maggie. Uhh...what? He's back home! He did it! He succeeded! Why would he want to return to PT? There's another Maggie in his time who's just as stupid and probably also in danger whom he can save. Why did he return to PT? It doesn't make any sense! Oh well...maybe Yaeger will kill him too...